All hail Sheldor the Conqueror! He is leading his trusty warriors into battle; at least once Barry is back from the restroom. However, a disturbance outside interrupts him. It is Penny, who has accidentally put her car key into the lock of her apartment. Now she can't get it out or get in her apartment. Sheldon is his usual, helpful self. Clearly, pointing out that her apartment key uses edge-mounted cylinders vs. the center cylinders on the key to her Volkswagen gets the door WIDE open. Penny finally goes off the edge, given that she just returned from an audition that she drove two hours to get to, then waited another hour just to have the director say she looked too Midwestern. Of course, Sheldon has to point out her German/Scandinavian features, which really didn't help. The fly that she also swallowed, the breaking of her grocery bags, that she hasn't had sex in six months, and the fact that the locksmith "will get there when he gets there" causes her to break down and cry. Sheldon offers to let her stay in his apartment. She says shed rather sit on the cold ground and cry. Sheldon still needs to get the hang of sarcasm.
In the guys' apartment, Penny settles in, following Sheldon's unwritten rules about where to sit and no feet on the table. She inquires about what Sheldon is doing on the computer. Sheldon, in typical annoyance, tries to explain he is in an online simulation of "Age of Conan," which is set in the universe of Robert E. Howard's "Conan the Barbarian." She's none too impressed at first but does wonder why Sheldon keeps saying AFK. He explains it means away from keyboard. Oh, I see." Now its Sheldon's turn to wonder what that means.
Later on, Leonard returns to the apartment. The groceries outside the apartment, not to mention the cat eating the melted ice cream, are the least of his confusion. Penny is now playing the game and just picked up a pair of enchanted boots. Leonard wants a catch-me-up from Sheldon...
"She attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly-Midwestern, she hasn't had sex in six months, and she ate a fly."
"Seriously? Six months?"
Later on, the boys are having fun playing with corn starch and water, which make up a non-Newtonian fluid that is really solid under the Matrix-like bass beats of a speaker. ("That's what makes it funky," says Howard) Penny comes in and demands Sheldon help her with the game and get the Enchanted Sword to kill the guard captain. Everybody else is quite confused. According to Raj and Howard...
"It's like some weird comic book crossover."
"As if the Hulk started dating Peppermint Patty."
Clearly, Penny is addicted, as she interrupts Sheldon in the middle of the night to help her decide whether to join a horde of Level-35 Hungarian warriors. Sleep-deprived (and lacking pajama bottoms) Sheldon begs her to leave him alone.
The next day at work, Sheldon must meet with Dr. Gablehauser, his boss, to settle an internal conflict with Leslie. He complains that she walked into room 204 of Buckman Hall to use the mainframe when he had signed up for it. Except that Sheldon made up the sign-in sheet and blocked every single hour for the next six months. His lack of currying favor with his boss is not helped by the fact that Penny calls him on his cell phone...then his boss' phone after he ignores the cell.
Arriving home, Sheldon demands Leonard intervene with Penny since his efforts are not working. In fact, if he doesn't, Sheldon "will become very difficult to live with," as opposed to the "happy fun time Sheldon" Leonard's been living with so far. Leonard goes to visit Penny---AKA, Queen Penelope. It would be fair to say that Penny looks like she was run over by a truck several times, but that would actually IMPROVE how she currently looks. Leonard tries logic, pointing out that its easy to get caught up in an online addiction when one's self-esteem is low and life's goals arent being accomplished. She's not listening and returns to the game, taking the time to get a Cheeto out of her hair...and eating it. Leonard tries another tact: entering the "Age of Conan" game in character to talk with her. That gets him a hastier rebuke, not to mention a decapitation.
The next day at the university, the guys are gathered. Sheldon, however, is there only in body and not spirit. Penny's been keeping him up all night, and not in the same way she keeps Howard up all night. (well, in his mind, anyway) Leslie joins them, and Sheldon is too tired to even react to Leslie's barbs that he's up all night with Middle-Earth Barbie. Leslie postulates that Penny is using online gaming as an escape from her sexual frustration. Surprisingly, Sheldon agrees. He has to concede Leslies "undeniable expertise in the interrelated fields of promiscuity and general slutiness." Sheldon decides to take action and ask the guy at the next table if he wants to be involved in a sexual relationship. The guy agrees and gives Sheldon his phone number. Of course, it would be easy to tell Sheldon where he is messing up, but not nearly as fun.
Sheldon continues his plan. While helping Penny with the game, he uses subterfuge to fill out an online dating service application for Penny under the guise of an online gaming registration form, complete with a bonus 75 quest expansion pack. And now we know Penny likes to initiate sexual contact and go on wild adventures.
Later, Leonard enters the apartment and meets Tom, who was brought in by Sheldon to go on a date with Penny. Finding him on an online dating site, Sheldon is impressed with Tom's job as a firefighter and med school studies. Leonard knows this will end badly, and the proof walks into the apartment. Penny has a lovely shade of lipstick, except its unknown whether if it's crunchy or puffed Cheetos. On the bright side, if the grunge movement ever comes back, she's all set. Tom is disappointed that she doesn't look anything her photo, but doesn't that always happen with online dating services?
Is there a way to quit cold turkey? Well, if Howard comes online, asking Penny for a spirited afternoon of questing and a flagon of ale at a virtual tavern, and she ACCEPTS, that might be one way to do it.
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